The day of Days !!

Day 11 Rochemaure to Cavaillon 

After the antics of yesterday we decided to leave the hotel at 10am today, giving Shaun and Paul time to work out onward logistics, hear from the garage regarding the big white van repair (yes, Shaun the sheep is a white van man) and find a bike shop to buy Bad Boy Hollywood Barrelle some new shoe cleats (he really has been dragging his heels over the past few days cycling with only one shoe) and Ally a new helmet as her’s was cracked following an action fall on the chemin de fer level crossing.

Bad Boys (Barrelle and Rolls) were called into the headmasters study (by Big Gov Nige) and respectfully asked to stick with the pack today and not motor ahead. There was some confusion as to why they were singled out for this little chat as both had an exemplary performance record being model cyclists and perfect role models for any elite road racing team. (yeah right....)

Weather on departure was cloudy but warm (18.5C) and steadily increased up to a maximum of just under 30C by mid afternoon. Lashing of sun screen and plenty of fluids (both in and out).

Paul ‘Orange Arrow’ the Mad Hog Rider set our course as we meandered down the Rhone valley and entered the magical Provence countryside, passing through small villages, vines (most of which Bad Boy Matt knew personally), Lavender fields, fruit farms all under the backdrop of the southern Alps to the East. It was an amazing time: the sun shone and the scenery was magical. Everyone's spirits lifted. We had great weather, wonderful cycling, fantastic team spirit. It was great and everyone is now so cycling fit that they easily dealt with the day's efforts.

Now. French latrines even in their most basic form can be complicated affairs to use as Pretty in Pink Renata found out to her horror. When flushing these contraptions you need to stand well clear as the tsunami hits the porcelain at about ankle level, swooshing away all debris and giving the bowl a good shine. Sadly PiPR was standing just too close and got a full foot wash and shoe shine. We are told by the French plumbers association that the water used for flushing is clean in most cases!!

Bad Boys Rolls and Barrelle invented a new game today. Cycling up behind fellow competitors (oops sorry Guv… Riders)….and letting out a huge scream as they skim past. This got some interesting reactions and was primarily designed to keep fellow team members awake on the straighter country roads.

After the quite sensational morning, the afternoon for George, Matt and Nigel turned into one of those “Days of Days” that well you couldn’t make up if you tried. Boys will be boys after all.

Immediately after lunch Matt and George set off at speed and accelerated away from the group reaching speeds of 25 mph+. Unusually, Nigel decided to give chase. With testosterone pumping and the Garmin GPS showing 28mph, bit by agonising bit Nigel was catching up the two “big guns” of the team. When George and Matt stopped for a drink the look on their faces as Nigel sped by at speed was priceless – it was definitely in the “hey that can’t be happening” camp. Unperturbed, George and Matt then gave chase and the three young children raced their way back up to silly speeds as they traversed the countryside. Unfortunately, their focus was so much on the speedometer that they sailed straight past the orange route marker sign and straight onto the French Motorway.

Ooops!!

With horns blaring and French fists angrily waving out of seemingly every car window, George decided that the only way was forward and carried on relentlessly. Nigel and Matt stopped to check out the GPS routing on the iphone to see if there was a better way – only to discover that their only route was indeed forward too. So they built up speed again and powered their way to the next junction to try and rejoin the main group  – unfortunately as is the way with these things, 3 miles from the junction Matt’s front tyre blew. Oh yippidee doo. But the dynamic duo had a plan which was then actioned. Whilst Nigel knelt down on the hard shoulder and changed Matt’s tyre as lorries sped by but a few feet away at 80+mph Matt would plot the iphone route to the hotel. Simples!

Phew. Tyre repaired. Everyone alive and limbs intact, they were off again. Unfortunately Matt then dropped his i-phone and smashed his screen rendering the mapping image unreadable. Couldn’t make it up could you???

But haha!! They still had a blackberry. Unfortunately the blackberry screen on this model is so small that you can hardly see a town the size of Paris let along a motorway in the south of France. Not surprising then that following the directions of such a device led these two madmen into the centre of Avignon some 12 miles off course (well that’s their excuse anyway). And after all that, their only route back was to get back on the same motorway and just wing it. Which they did.

After a smashed phone, a puncture, a thousand car horns and clenched fists plus 12 extra miles, everyone is now safely back at the hotel.

What a day!!! What an adventure !!!